Ever afraid of losing something so much that you trying to salvage it just makes it even worse? For someone who makes at least a dozen mistakes even before she is up in the morning you’d think I learn something from my mistakes. But No, that line only works in certain situations I guess, not in the matters of the heart but in the matters of the mind.
Nope, this ain’t a post telling you about how some unfortunate event led to a great story. Frankly I don’t even know why I am writing this post right now. I literally have unfinished practicals to complete, a semester worth of studying, a room to clean up and take a bath. Priorities duh uh.
But to me today feels like a day you see, one of those days you’re just sitting around and wondering what you did in your 22 years of a long long life. But that’s probably just because the year’s coming to an end. I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning. And this year it was rough. I mean usually all my new years are the regular same old same old, clock strikes 12, another year same old me or as I would like to quote one of my favourite movies The Shawshank Redemption “same old shit, different day”.
But this year I entered 2017 with mild depression. So I barely ate, barely talked, barely went to college, barely hung out, barely had a social interaction and barely got out of my room. Now for someone who is already underweight, especially when you are a girl, not eating your necessary amount of calories for 3 months can end you up in a hospital bed the next day of your birthday. Happy 22nd! Yayy!
In case you were wondering that’s what happened.
So after what felt like a million tests and doctors appointments and needles in my hands I got a diet plan which included me doing cardio and stuffing my face with food every 2 hours. That went on whole heartedly for 3 months until summer came and I got too lazy to do cardio. But the eating is still on. That diet is probably the only thing I have been committed to for that long. So that did help but if you’ve lived my life, trouble always finds a way or in most cases I specifically go out to look for it. I guess trouble is a “him” in my case and a career choice and what to do next and a lot of other things.
But I needed a change so I went out and searched for it. I invited my best friend here, went on a trip to another one of my friends out in Bombay, started blogging, learnt Spanish, forgotten most of the Spanish, started interning everywhere I could find a spot and joined Make A Difference. It’s this cute little non profit organisation that ensures equitable outcomes for children living in shelter homes. Do donate by the way. Met even more people, made even more friends, rekindled with some I already knew and am still raising funds for the children.
When my diet started I decided to give myself this year as an year of redemption. A year where I will try to do everything that I hadn’t,fix everything I’ve broken and not be the sucky, depressed character that I am. Don’t be fooled I still screwed up a thousand times, still did things bad for my health, hurt people, got hurt by people and don’t even get me started with the drama my best friend had to tolerate cause of me. But I liked to have this year as a year where I didn’t judge myself for every not so good thing I did cause now that I have, I have a better clarity of what NOT to do. And trust me, that’s progress.
So I guess what I am saying is there’s still 2 months left for 2017 to get over. To whosoever who needs a Redemption break, do it. If it works out, good enough, if it doesn’t you’ll know what and who to leave behind in 2017.
Gotta go now, mother seems to be beaming angrily at me for not taking a shower yet.
Adios. 🙂
THANKS FOR READING.
the jobless mind 